find excuses to be happy
in this world that wasn't
designed to be.
like tomorrow,
(today's 31Dec, i dont know
whats wrong with blogger)
when there is going to be
this
hideous collective global euphoria
about the earth
making another
successful orbit round the
freakin' sun.
hooray.
anyway
i dont mean to be
the party pooper for all
you zealous people
enthusiastic about
orbits, planets and such..
im just not the astronomical
person.
a lot has gone on in 2007,
mostly for the better.
not to say it wasn't messed up-
it always is-
just, ive had worse years.
i have been hanging around
with happy people,
embracing their happy thoughts
and patronizing their
happy expression outlets.
yes, it is a step.
i sometimes even like these
happy people,
so that really is a step.
i might make plans to
be one of them even.
yeah, i could.
do happy things like
like
inserting smiley emoticons
into text msges,
getting involved in circles
and
finding The Person
to share every darn gory
detail of my
daily happenings without
feeling the need to silence
or banish this Person.
ok maybe not.
ive never functioned like that,
i need some levels of
gloom,
or else i might go into
some kinda cold turkey.
quite honestly
ive been doing things
totally out of character
recently,
which is an indication of
hormones or
an incoming ( or ongoing ) lowpoint.
and its not good.
it's like, im losing my cold factor.
ive been getting involved.
that's not good,
i need to switch back to
MY mode-
no loyalties, no emotions,
no allowances to invite damage.
instead.
what have i been doing?
i have been participating
in circles,
i have been bringing adult strangers
to a foreign country,
i have been doing adultish bullcrap,
i have been expecting
the unexpected text msg,
i have been looking out for people,
i have been proclaiming about
loving the weak and being hopeful,
gosh,
i think i might
have been almost happy.
it's kinda weird,
but a good weird.
i finally am coping a bit
better.
even as
so many things remain
upsetting,
i am still
grappling with abysmally
tragic grades,
still struggling to be
that normal kid,
i finally can be okay.
it's nice to be okay.
10:57 PM